Flannel Shorts Are For Boys. 1969.

1969. Grey flannel shorts. My Mother was a difficult, ridiculously stubborn woman. If she made her mind up about something there was no changing it. The more you tried to change her view, the more entrenched she became.

She believed young boys should wear short trousers.

This seemed incredibly unreasonable in 1969 when nobody over 5 wore short trousers. I was forced to wear them until the age of 10.

And this wasn’t just for the warm weather. I didn’t own a pair of long trousers. They were just not bought for me. I remember walking to school (a short journey across a park from the block of flats where we lived), in the mid-winter snow, in shorts, wellies and a duffle coat. I arrived at the school door sobbing because of the cold.

I even went to weddings and family parties in short trousers …accessorized with a jacket and clip-on tie.

Having to wear grey flannel short trousers until the age of 10 was a tough gig. Kirkdale, Liverpool was a very rough, tough place. It was, and still is, one of the five most deprived wards in the country. I was a shy, quiet kid and had to put up with a lot from other kids. However, it did make me quick-witted and resilient, because if you didn’t come back with a creatively offensive insult quickly, you were not going to make it in home one piece. But I’m damn sure there are easier ways to develop a quick wit.

Grey flannel shorts still make me angry (If you put me in grey flannel shorts, in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson, I’d have him on the canvas within a round – but I’d probably have killed you first for trying to make me wear the despicable things).